Trials 02 Harry's Trial Read online

  know. I don't think he wanted me---that way. He thought he had to

  take care of me."

  "Why did you let Tom Paris get close to you? If you're afraid of

  men? Why do you let him touch you? You aren't afraid to be alone with

  him, are you?" Even Chakotay wasn't sure why he was pushing on this

  issue, but he felt it was important.

  "No. I'm not afraid of Tom. I don't mind when he touches me,"

  Malista replied slowly, wonderingly. "I'm not sure why. Maybe because

  he always lets me know he's going to touch me. He gives me time to

  get ready---and he lets me go when I want to be free. He's just---

  different. I know---that he wouldn't hurt me---not deliberately. And

  he doesn't want me as a woman either. He wants B'Elanna. Other women

  no longer interest him. I wonder if he knows that yet?" she mused.

  Chakotay was beginning to feel that he had wildly misjudged the

  young pilot. Evidently Malista had gotten past Paris' defenses. The

  man she described was more sensitive and understanding than Chakotay

  would ever have imagined Tom Paris to be. He had gotten a hint of

  that when it was Tom who'd first figured out that Malista was going

  to commit suicide and acted to stop her---at an emotional cost to

  himself. "Malista, why did you let Tom get close? You didn't make any

  other friends when you began spending time in the holodeck."

  She leaned back in the chair and relaxed into the head rest. Her

  eyes drifted closed dreamily as she remembered the first time Tom

  Paris had approached her at Sandrine's. "He was playing pool. With

  one of the holodeck characters---the one B'Elanna called a pig---I

  forget his name. I saw him notice me. I was trying to pretend I was

  invisible, but he noticed me anyway. He asked me what I thought about

  the game. I tried to get rid of him---pretended I wasn't interested.

  He asked me if I wanted to learn the game. Then Niko came over and

  almost started a fight. It was funny. Tom didn't budge. He hardly

  even looked at Niko. He told Niko to stay out of it. He kept looking

  at me---not Niko---waiting for a signal from me. Niko was ready to

  hit a superior officer and I didn't want him to get in trouble, so I

  told him it was okay. And he kind of looked Tom over and left. It was

  his eyes," she stated abruptly.

  "Sorry?"

  "It was his eyes. Tom was lonely. I could see it in his eyes. He

  has beautiful, expressive blue eyes. The windows to the soul,

  somebody called them. They let you see behind the mask. I think he

  could see the loneliness in mine. That's why he spoke to me."

  "You're lonely?"

  "Yes. Anyway, Tom needed a friend. He got my attention because

  he understood the literary references I threw out in conversation. I

  read a lot. So does he. Sometimes I would say something about a

  character---not an obscure character, but a Terran cultural icon---

  and I'd get these blank looks from everyone. Sometimes that scared

  people away from me too. They didn't understand what I was talking

  about. Doesn't anybody read the classics any more?" she asked

  plaintively. "Tom's very intelligent, you know. You probably won't

  believe this---but he says there are people who actually think that

  people with blonde hair are dumb. Can you imagine stereotyping

  according to hair color? Commander, you wouldn't believe some of the

  things I've heard people say about Tom. And I can't understand how

  they can believe what they say." She was becoming indignant on Paris'

  behalf.

  "I'm glad you're feeling better," the first officer said,

  becoming slightly uncomfortable with the direction the conversation

  was taking. He needed to meditate about Paris and what he should do

  about him. He had an uneasy feeling he owed Tom Paris an apology---

  maybe more than one.

  Chakotay checked the time and noted that he had another

  appointment. "Malista, think about what we've talked about. It might

  help you to start keeping a journal, if you don't have one. Give

  yourself some time to adjust to the changes in your life. You need to

  get to know yourself and make new friends. I think you're ready to

  resume your duties which will give you something to do with your

  time. I'll inform the captain and Lt. Torres. If I can help you, let

  me know. Tomorrow? Same time, same place?"

  She nodded, a small smile appearing spontaneously, as she got

  to her feet. "Thank you, Commander."

  ***********************

  Kathryn Janeway regretfully drained the last drop of coffee from

  the one cup she allowed herself each morning and looked across her

  desk at Chakotay. His dark eyes were twinkling. "Don't make fun of my

  coffee obsession. Now, you were going to give me a report on your

  counseling sessions?"

  "Gerron seems to have made a full recovery. He was upset by

  Dishon's death, but I made it clear to him that it was his quick

  action in activating the manual controls that saved the lives of

  everyone else in the cargo bay. He's less defensive and has started

  making friends among the crew. He seems to be coming out of his

  shell."

  "Speaking of shells?" Kathryn said wryly.

  Chakotay followed her train of thought with the ease of

  practice. "Malista? I don't know that a shell is the appropriate

  metaphor. In my meetings with her over the last two weeks, she's

  opened up and talked quite a bit about her background. Some of what

  she's told me was unintentional. A better metaphor for her might be

  that she's a butterfly ripped from its cocoon before it was ready."

  Janeway frowned her concern at the graphic mental image that

  evoked. "Can you tell me more? Without violating confidentiality?"

  "I asked her permission to discuss this with you. I had to admit

  to her that we've just about reached the end of my counseling

  expertise. She agrees with me that a woman's point of view might be

  helpful and she knows you'll respect her privacy. She also okayed my

  talking with Tom."

  "You have made some progress," Janeway commented.

  "Not enough that she'll talk to you herself. I told her that I

  believe she's ready to return to duty, but there are some unique

  problems to deal with. She's afraid of men. She becomes anxious when

  alone with them and she's not sure how to deal with the way they look

  at her," Chakotay summarized.

  "Those are things most girls learn to deal with in their

  adolescence," Janeway replied. "You think it's a result of what she

  went through on Huldon III?"

  "Partly. The cocoon metaphor extends to her childhood. She was

  born on a colony planet in what is now the demilitarized zone between

  the Federation and Cardassian space. Like many of those colonies,

  Helios was settled by people of Greek descent who moved away from

  Earth and other mixed colonies in order to preserve their cultural

  heritage. There's still a strong patriarchal system and Malista was

  the youngest child and only daughter, so she had a very sheltered

  childhood. Two of her older brothers, Stephanos and Giorgio joined

  the Maquis shortly after the trea
ty was signed. They were both killed

  by the Cardassians when Malista was sixteen. Malista defied her

  father and joined the Maquis herself. She wasn't a warrior, but she

  was good at repairing equipment and computer systems. The Maquis

  always needed skilled technicians. We also used her for information

  gathering since she was skilled at getting people to talk to her,"

  Chakotay explained.

  "How did she cope in the Maquis? If she'd never been on her

  own?" the captain asked, leaning forward in her seat and resting her

  elbows on the desk. This was beginning to sound like a scientific

  problem or equation that needed solving and she found it fascinating.

  Chakotay shrugged. "She seems to bring out protective instincts.

  Two others from her colony joined the Maquis at the same time---Jano

  Demetrios and Lanal Aristedes---they appointed themselves her

  guardians, included her in their Maquis cell. Until they were killed

  on Huldon III."

  "Then Niko Dishon took over?" Janeway speculated. "He became her

  protector?"

  The first officer nodded. "Exactly. Now, for the first time in

  her life, she has no one. No one to protect her. No one to keep other

  people away. She never learned to deal with people because she never

  had to before. Someone always did it for her."

  Janeway shook her head and exhaled noisily. "And now? How is she

  coping? Is she using Tom?"

  "No. There are several problems with that. First, he's a senior

  officer. He outranks her which gives her a protocol problem. Second,

  he's becoming---involved," Chakotay chose that word carefully, "with

  B'Elanna Torres. Malista wouldn't want to interfere in that

  relationship---especially since she helped get them together. Also

  Tom's schedule keeps him pretty busy. When he's not on duty or with

  B'Elanna, he's giving piloting lessons in the simulator. And third,

  she doesn't want to burden him with responsibility for her. She's

  tried that and found that it doesn't work on a long term basis. The

  problem now is that she doesn't have the social skills and people

  skills that, as you said, she should have developed naturally in

  adolescence."

  Janeway winced with sympathy. "I wouldn't want to go through

  adolescence again for all the latinum in the Ferengi Treasury. So

  what do you think we should do about this situation? And to get back

  to one of your original points, what about her fear of men? Can she

  function on this ship when she's afraid of more than half the ship's

  complement?"

  Chakotay rubbed his forehead. He could feel a headache coming

  on. "I told her she needed to give herself time. If we can gradually

  let her learn how to cope and slowly expand her circle of friends, I

  think she'll be fine. Tom Paris has helped her take the first step

  toward losing her fear of men. She's comfortable with him. I thought

  I should tell B'Elanna to be sure that Malista is paired with another

  female when she assigns repair teams."

  "That's a short term solution, but it sounds good to me. If

  she's afraid, do you think it would help to have her take a self-

  defense course? Ensign Natwick is starting a new course next week.

  Some crew members are taking it for exercise and others are hoping to

  get certified or recertified for Security teams," Kathryn suggested.

  "Kathryn, she worked in Security," Chakotay reminded her. "Tuvok

  must have thought she had the skills---or did he? Her assignment was

  to monitor and repair Security equipment during the night shift. I'll

  ask him about that. On my ship, I remember that she was trained in

  hand-to-hand combat---all of my crew received at least a minimum of

  training. It still might be a good idea for her to join the class

  just to give her a chance to socialize in a group activity. I'll

  sound her out about it at our next counseling session."

  "Keep me advised on her progress, Commander." Janeway sighed

  deeply. "When I took command of Voyager, I never thought I would wind

  up dealing with these kinds of problems. I appreciate your efforts to

  help her. I know I've said it before, but I wish we had a trained

  counselor aboard."

  "You can't wish it half as much as I do," Chakotay said.

  ***********************

  "Commander? Could I speak to you for a moment? At your

  convenience?"

  Chakotay had to look twice to be sure the properly worded,

  formal request had come from Lieutenant Tom Paris. He raised his

  eyebrows as he noticed that Tom wasn't even smirking, which would

  have given his words a sarcastic edge. It was the end of Alpha shift

  and Paris had released the conn to his relief. The first officer got

  to his feet. "Of course, Lieutenant Paris. Let's find somewhere to

  talk."

  The two entered the turbolift together still on their polite

  best behavior. The lift doors slid closed and the computer waited for

  an order to initiate its motion. Paris glanced at Chakotay. "Where

  should we go, Commander?"

  "How private does this need to be, Lieutenant?" Chakotay

  answered just as formally.

  A twinkle jumped into Paris' cornflower blue eyes. "I don't

  necessarily want to be alone with you, Commander. It's not that kind

  of conversation. We can go to the mess hall or Sandrine's as long as

  we get our own table. I want to talk to you about Malista."

  "Deck 6," Chakotay said to the computer, then his brown eyes

  narrowed. He knew Paris couldn't go five minutes without wising off.

  "I've been meaning to talk to you, too, Paris."

  "Uh-oh."

  "Uh-oh?" Chakotay inquired.

  "Uh-oh, when you start calling me Paris in that tone of voice,

  I've done or said something to make you snarky."

  The first officer frowned. "Define 'snarky'."

  "Respectfully decline to answer, Sir!" That answer was in his

  best Academy cadet form, spoiled only by Paris' grin.

  The turbolift doors slid open and they walked down the corridor

  to Sandrine's. "Now why do I think you've said that quite a few times

  before," said Chakotay thoughtfully.

  Paris nodded, graciously acknowledging the hit. "Because you

  know me, Commander?"

  Chakotay smiled.

  Paris signaled Sandrine who brought over their usual drinks as

  they settled at an empty table. Sandrine's wouldn't be busy for a few

  more hours. It was almost deserted except for the holocharacters.

  They had privacy for their talk.

  "Did Malista---" Paris began.

  "Do you think---" Chakotay said at the same time. They both

  stopped. "After you, Lieutenant."

  Tom cleared his throat. His rehearsed speech didn't seem

  appropriate right now. Chakotay wasn't behaving as Paris had thought

  he would. He'd expected the first officer to be hard to deal with.

  Chakotay was being---almost friendly.

  "Well, I know you've been meeting with Malista and I wanted to

  see if you think she's doing okay. I know it's confidential, but I---"

  He fumbled to a stop trying to think of arguments that would

  impress Chakotay with his need to know. "I care about her and I wan
t

  to be sure she's okay," he finally muttered, trying to look

  nonchalant.

  Chakotay wasn't buying it. He could tell from the older man's

  expression. Tom continued, "I want to know if there's anything I can

  do to help." He'd be damned if he was going to beg the man for

  information. He'd told B'Elanna this wouldn't work, but she'd

  insisted he try asking Chakotay before attempting an end run around

  the first officer to the captain.

  Chakotay calmly assessed Tom's defensiveness and acted to defuse

  it. "Tom, as far as confidentiality goes, I have her permission to

  discuss her situation with you. I understand you'd like to help her.

  The problem is if you try to help her now, you may do more harm than

  good."

  Paris was relieved that the first officer wasn't telling him to

  mind his own business. "What do you mean? Are you saying I should

  keep my distance? I thought she needed friends more than ever right

  now."

  "In a way, you're both the best and the worst person to be

  around her right now," Chakotay commented. "You don't have to answer,

  Tom, but let me ask you something personal. Why did you take the time

  to make a friend of Malista? No one else did. Everyone else pretty

  much ignored her."

  Paris was about to make a smart, flip retort, but caught sight

  of Chakotay's intent brown eyes. The first officer was doing his best

  to help Malista Shadow. He deserved a serious answer. Tom took a deep

  breath, exhaled slowly, then said softly, "She looked so lonely. She

  was sitting at a table, here in Sandrine's, surrounded by other

  people, but it was like she was an island of loneliness. Have you

  ever read Thoreau, Chakotay?"

  The first officer nodded.

  "Do you remember---he said, 'We are for the most part more

  lonely when we go abroad among men than when we stay in our

  chambers.' That's what I saw. She was in the holodeck because she'd

  been ordered to socialize. But she didn't know how to make the first

  move. So she hid at a corner table and pretended no one else was

  here. Sort of like one of those birds they have at the zoo on Earth?

  The one that hides its head and thinks it can't be seen?"

  "An ostrich," Chakotay said. "I know what you mean. The captain

  and I thought she was withdrawn because she didn't like other people.